Willing.

I recently came across a poem I’d written way back in 2012. At that time, it was based purely on imagination- as I imagined what it would feel like when a bond broke. Today, I know that feeling. Here is the poem, raw as it was written in 2012. It is not very refined, but it is what it is and I am what I am.

As I stand in the rain,

The water washes away my pain

And I smile remembering the good old days.

As I stand in the rain,

The water sweeps in the drain

And I sigh remembering the nearly caught train.

As I stand in the rain,

I watch a passing dame

And I laugh remembering the jokes which were so lame

The rain stops,

And the world moves on.

But I keep standing there,

Remembering the life we used to share.

The world shouts at me,

Tell me it’s high time I forgot.

But I know I just can't

As I stare at the ring you bought.

It has a forget-me-not on it,

And as I watch, it begins to lit.

You told me to keep it always with me,

As we stood under the peepal tree.

What we had was so special,

That I just can't move on.

Tears come into my eyes,

And the cat starts to moan.

Why did you go away?

Why couldn’t you just stay?

Why do all good things have to end?

Will my heart ever mend?

I’d often heard that broken friendships hurt more than broken romantic relationships, and maybe that is because everything starts with a friendship only. 

Since the past few weeks, I’ve been longing for the friends I lost over the while. Be it people I had a close bond with during classes 8^th and 9^th, people I had loved with all my heart with right until school ended and a long time after that, people I befriended in the 2 years of college who gradually became distant as new bonds started forming or people who I know will go away in a couple of weeks, taking away a part of me with them. All these people, every single one of them, were special in their own way. They all gave me something and took away something from me. With each separation, my soul seemed to break into tinier parts…becoming so tiny that I am afraid I won’t have anything left to share very soon.

Trying to keep up with the pace of a new life and new opportunities, I somehow could not keep up with my friends. I always say that all relationships should be effortless and if they are not, something is wrong. But recently I’ve learnt that you need to put in the general effort and sometimes, sometimes it is all worth it. So what I really want to say is that all of you are worth it. 

You’re worth the effort I’m willing to make, if only you’ll take me back J